Hi everyone. After recently losing my best friend in the world my girlfriend convinced me we should get a new bunny to help with the grief of losing baileys. We adopted Whiskey from a shelter. He’s really done a lot to help her feel better.
I’m trying my best to give him attention and love and to spend time with him too. I’ve been hand feeding him and after a small amount of time he’s gotten comfortable with being pet by both of us.
But I just don’t understand how she can attach to a new bunny so quickly when every small reminder leaves me a devastated crying mess. I feel like I failed my best friend and let him down. He’s gone and I’ll never know why and I can’t help thinking that he deserved better than me. I don’t know what to do or how to talk about this
by DrDavidStrangelove
33 Comments
I- I came here for bunny. Sorry I don’t know how to help. Bunneis are silly little guys tho so make sure they have the toys and space to be as silly as they wish. Bunneis also love bananas so if you want the bunny eating sounds bananas are you way. If you need more help out side of bunny care you can always try Therapy if you arnt already. Just remember a bunny is not a smaller dog but a cat without the hunt. They flee at any sign of danger and don’t like to be picked up or washed with water
People grieve at different speeds. I’m sure you did everything you could for Bailey, and it’s okay that you are still feeling sad about losing him. Her attaching to Whiskey quickly also doesn’t mean she doesn’t love and miss Bailey too.
<3s to both of you.
People process grief differently, don’t worry too much about the details and just do what feels right to you. She needed a new friend to cover her sense of loss, you want to focus on that loss instead, both approach’s are valid and healthy. Don’t try to force yourself to love the new bunny till you are ready, if you need a little space that’s ok, it can wait.
I understand. When one of our buns died my bf wanted to go that afternoon and get another one. I wasn’t ready! It felt like a betrayal to my sweet Angie. But, one thing to consider is that you are providing a safe, loving environment to a bunny who wouldn’t otherwise have it. Give yourself time to let your love grow and know that you are doing a bigger, wonderful thing for bunny life.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure we ever really get over it but our capacity for love and care is bigger than we might have thought.
People process loss differently. She might be in love with Whiskey but still carry pain inside for Bailey.
Just take all the time you need to grieve. Cry if you feel like crying, do what you must. Maybe writing a small journal can help process or determine your feelings better? Or help you develop a way to talk about it in a manner you want?
Having rescued another bunny, giving Whiskey a safe place to live and a nice life, is not failing Bailey, it is not forgetting Bailey or moving on.
I’m sure if Bailey could talk, he’d be happy that you guys rescued Whiskey and have given another bunny a chance at a nice life.
Grieving is one of the hardest things because there’s just no way to speed it up or anticipate how it’ll affect you.
Looking at some of your other posts makes it so obvious how much you loved and cared for Bailey. It might not get through to your subconscious, but having a cuddly bunny that licks you makes it clear as day how pampered and cared for he was. And that shows that you were a *great* owner to him. You were good enough.
I know that’s easy to say and hard to internalise but hopefully hearing it from some of us helps.
I can’t imagine how much it hurts right now but it’s not your fault and you’re not doing anything wrong. Neither is your partner. You’re never going to replace Bailey, but if you can take some of that kindness that you obviously have and share it with Whiskey (as you’re clearly doing) then just maybe you’ll start to heal a little. And one day you’ll be able to think of giving various bunnies the good loved lives they deserve.
My friend, I have no advice on grieving but this is very important:
Those cables under your bed are not sufficiëntly protected and are due to sustain Whiskey related injuries very soon!! You need to make sure the protective tubing is exactly the lenght of the cable, those little biters don’t need much space to fuck up your cable.
Sincerely yours,A man that’s on his third charger for the same laptop in 3 years time.
It’s absolutely okay to be sad and to miss Baileys. Thank you for having given Baileys a loving home. And thank you for having rescued Whiskey. I’m not allowed to have pets, so part of my joy in seeing rabbits posts is that kind, loving people are taking care of the sweet rabbits I love and can’t care for myself. Thank you!
It’s normal to hurt and miss your friend. Your healing will come. And often having to get up and take care of things helps you move toward it.
Give it time. It was almost a year after my cat died that I felt ready to get another and I still felt incredibly guilty that I was just replacing her with another cat. But my cat would have wanted me to be happy and your bun wanted the same for you. You can honor your past love while opening your heart to new love.
I have been in exactly the same boat as you, OP. it feels like a betrayal of love to form a bond with another bun so quickly. But it’s not, I promise you. Grief is love with nowhere to go, wise words I read a whole ago. Pour your love you would give to Baileys to your new bun, you won’t regret it. In time, you will be able to forgive yourself for Baileys’ passing, and be able to give your love completely to Whiskey.
I lost my baby girl two weeks ago and adopted a little buddy today. It’s not and will not be the same thing, no matter how much time passes. But what he does is that he reminds me of the happiness of having a little bun running around so I can focus on all the good memories I had with her. I’m not sulking anymore in an empty house and I can now start developing new memories with my new buddy, utilizing everything I learned from my sweet baby.
My boy passed away at almost 9 years old in the beginning of July. 2 weeks later I was surprised with a new bunny by someone close to me. I still grieve my boy but love my new bun so deeply. People grieve at different speeds and sometimes a new friend helps the process. 💜
I can’t speak to what your partner is feeling right now, but when my bunny passed, I took in my two rescues about a week later. I pretty quickly realized that I needed to put all my love and effort into caring for another rabbit. I had this directionless anxiety, like I was forgetting to do something important, but it was because I didn’t need to check to see if water bowls were filled or if my bunny had eaten. That anxiety would just build and build. Grief and loss is one thing, but my mental health was degrading rapidly.
If you need to take a step back for your mental health, and wait a little bit before bonding, you should do that. I would talk that out with your partner to make sure you both have an understanding of what the other needs, but grief looks different for everyone.
Been there. what I realized was that I had to get to know the new bun and love them for them rather than trying to feel the same as I used to for my past bun. even without a grieving situation it’s very common to get “blues” about a new pet before bonding with them.
Awh, yeah it’s hard losing a beloved pet. I had to go 10 years without one because I felt that same kind of way, but now I’m kind of wishing I didn’t wait so long because those were years I could helped other bunnies out there. Just remember it’s not replacing your last bun and you’re helping this cute little guy have a good life cause you never know where they would have ended up without you guys. You’ll learn to get more attached to this one and you’ll eventually learn to no feel guilty about it.
I adopted the pair I have now within days of losing my first little girl. It’s true that everyone grieves differently but I found that the pair I have now helped me heal in so many ways. They’re not her but they helped my broken heart. They kept me laughing and smiling and gave me the ability to be happy. I still think about my little girl and I miss her terribly but I’m able to now see the happiness she brought me more clearly and be grateful for that time I had with her.
i started an exotic & small mammal rescue after my bearded dragon ive had since october 2015 died suddenly in january of this year. one of our first intakes was a bearded dragon. it felt really good to have another beardie, but i compare them a lot and sometimes cry when i look at her because i think of bernie. i still have bernie’s medicine, and a container of chopped up carrots in the fridge. grief is hard and doesnt make sense and its different for everyone. try to let go of expectations for yourself, let your relationship with whiskey be whatever it is, and let your feelings about baileys be whatever they are as well.
Grief and letting go are marathons, not sprints. Everyone deals differently with losing a friend and you embracing strong emotions when thinking about Whiskey and therefore Baileys doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Being open with your emotions is important in dealing with them. Being sad isn’t bad, and being open about it is a lot better than keeping it to yourself and letting it fester inside of you.
I’m also pretty sure that your girlfriend is sad aswell. You should talk with her openly about what you feel and work through this together. Communication is important for us humans and we form friendships and communities for a reason. And i’m also sure that Baileys is happy that you saved Whiskey from the shelter. There is no need to feel bad about adopting another rabbit. You are not replacing Baileys after all. The memories will always be with you.
It is important that you do not lose yourself to grief and the past on this journey. Remember the happy times with Baileys but also cherish the present with your girlfriend and Whiskey.
It took me over a year to warm up to the new buns in my life after my Stella passed. I felt guilty but at the same time, you can force yourself to feel what you don’t.
For example, my Freddie hates my guts. I’ve had him for 3 years now (since he was 5 months) and we really haven’t bonded. But it’s worth it that I can provide him with a good life.
I feel that I honor my rainbow bridge babies by taking care of other rabbits.
I was like this when I lost my dog of 12 years. After a period of time, my roommates decided to get another dog, and the sound of it’s paws tapping on the floor the same way my old dog did broke me. It was like I was listening to his ghost… but instead of him it was someone else.
So I totally get it. It took a long time for me to like this new dog, and it might be the same for you. And that’s ok.
Whiskey will never replace your old bunny but he deserves the same kind of love none the less. Give him that life and love and I’m sure Bailey will also appreciate it.
Hey OP. I 100% understand your feelings. I also understand your girlfriend’s perspective. I have been in this spot before.
When I lost my dear bunny, Fluffy, I was devastated. I was empty. Everything reminded me of him. It made me so sad and angry to see everyone being so happy and carrying on as normal. Meanwhile, I was grieving and questioning why my little man had to cross the rainbow bridge.
I took a day to just be at home and be sad. I thought about Fluffy and all of our memories together. Fluffy loved me so much, and whenever I was happy, he would binky around and show me he was happy that I was happy. Whenever I was sad, he would cuddle me until I stopped crying or at least felt better. I realized that Fluffy may be physically gone, but he will always be alive and with me in my heart and memories.
I decided that I would carry on his legacy. Fluffy loved seeing me happy. I felt that he wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time, so I should try to move forward and spread love to other bunnies the way I loved him. I got another bunny about 4 weeks after Fluffy passed, and I don’t regret it. I was alive again. Fluffy was alive again. I gave that rabbit all the love I had given Fluffy. We were best friends, and I felt Fluffy was proud of me for giving another rabbit a loving home.
Your girlfriend may be grieving in her own way. She may be in the same position I was, where she wants to keep your rabbit’s soul and love alive by giving another rabbit a loving home. It could be a distraction from the pain.
Your grief is just as valid and real. You are allowed to be sad and grieve your little friend. Your guilt is understandable. Understand Whiskey is not replacing Baileys. Rather, he is a new friend who can show you the same love and patience Baileys did. He can help you grieve if you want. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a friend.
I hope you will be okay.
For me I have to pour my love and grief into a new pet. It’s not a replacement, but a warm and fuzzy distraction from being sad.
Edited to add that you also saved this baby from a shelter, and that is a great way to honor your friend that passed away.
Grieve as long and hard as what feels right to you, however long you need to, friend. Just don’t give in to guilt. Bailey passing wasn’t your fault. And don’t feel guilty for not attaching to the new bun if someone is ever that insensitive to say so. You want to give your heart to Bailey and moving on is painful. It takes time to process that the world goes on and accept that you will too. it’s seriously scary to think of memories fading and being replaced with the new bunny just because of how fallible our brains are. It’s just we eventually get to that point where we can accept that transition, but guess what, we will ALWAYS remember how much we loved our past buddies. And you will still carry love for them ten years later, they are a firm part of your heart and that’s going to be true even though you can’t give your love directly to them anymore or when the time you spend thinking about them fades. But the moment you see that photo of them years down the line your heart is going to solidify in recognition. It’ll be a glow and it won’t be guilt. Because beating yourself up over moving on shouldn’t be a form of honoring their memory. You know if they somehow appeared in front of you again you’d run to them. That’s all the truth needed.
So backup your photos and videos of Bailey, make some keepsakes, write about Bailey. You can revisit these crisp records all you want in the future while also gradually forming a relationship with the new little one.
It was ten years before another rabbit came into my life. I think I started wanting to adopt a bun again a few YEARS after my boy passed but work got in the way. So, I totally get needing more time to focus on your memories and what you’ve lost. I could not have gotten another rabbit as quickly as you ended up getting. Like others say grieving length depends on the person and we can’t judge it, so make time for yourself OP. You are not crazy for feeling upset and others are not crazy for directing their energies into a new bunny who needs a home. You will be ok. Hugs
You might have gotten him a bit too early on in the grief cycle
Sorry to hear you lost a bunny. It can take time for the pain to lessen. (it never really goes away, you just learn to manage it)
Your new bun is utterly adorable, I’d flip out if I saw it in person.
it sounds like maybe its just a bit early for you to be able to fully build that bond. but don’t worry! bun will be ready to build that bond whenever you are friend, there is no rush. for now, keep making the effort and time will help
felt that, I lost my first bunny over two years ago now, she sadly died from GI statsis and we didn’t make it in time. For the longest time, I had such gulit and sadness that I carried from her death…as back then I blamed myself for her death and not being able to do anything sooner (rlly it was just the fact that there was no emergency hospitals in the area that would take bunnies). I didn’t want to have another bunny after her, as I was rlly scared of losing another one and having to go through that guilt again…but eventually…I did…and I still have my new bunny now…but in those few weeks, I remembered becoming to paranoid of if he was sick or not and I was constantly watching him. But I realized that, and my mom made me realize…that I did the best I could, I gave my first bunny a life filled with love and attention and tried best to help her. I realized that it wasn’t my fault, it was a situation that sadly happened at a poor time and it wasn’t under my control. I needed to realize that I can’t control everything and all I could or can do is try my best.
I understand your grief, and don’t rush it, it takes time to heal. It is good to grieve, it is okay, you are taking your time. Its alright to feel awful, its understandable. All I can give advice is that you take your past rabbit’s death and try to give this new bunny a life that your best friend would’ve enjoyed as well. I live by knowing that I’m giving my current bunny is living the best life I could give him and if something happens, I’ll also give my best in helping him because that’s all you can do…is to try your very best.
This post hurt my heart, because I’ve been there. I still am, really. I lost my baby last year around this time (the first anniversary is still coming up), and within a few days we got a new bunny who looks an awful lot like your new little one. It helped, but it also *hurt.* It killed me to look over and see his sweet face instead of the one my heart was looking for. And I think because of the walls my grief unintentionally put up, my new bunny Benji has bonded way more with my sister than with me. I used to get kisses from Icky, but Benji is still learning to trust me. Although he came from a bad situation when Icky didn’t, so his trust was always going to be harder to earn.
All of that rambling was to say that I understand. It hurts. There’s no getting around the grief. Even now, some days are harder than others. With the anniversary coming up I’ve been running from depressing thoughts more than normal. But my relationship with my new bunny is also starting to grow, now that I’m letting it. And yours will, too. It just takes time. No one’s grieving process is the same, either. Just be gentle with yourself, with your girlfriend, and with your new family member. Whiskey will never replace Baileys. But hopefully, one day you’ll be able to pet him without sobbing and remembering the bunny you lost. It took me longer than I care to admit to reach that point, and sometimes I do still cry. But sometimes I don’t. And that’s progress to me.
I also wanted to add that I’m very, very sorry for your loss. Especially because your little one was so young when he passed. But your love for him was clear through your posts, and I’m sure he felt it, too.
Edit: Also, for whatever it’s worth, my sister absolutely adored Icky, and she still handled his death and Benji’s entrance into our lives better than I did. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love him – I know she did. But some people handle grief very differently, and in our case, Icky was getting older and she was facing that a lot more clearheaded than I was. So she was able to make sense of his death, even though it was sudden and unexpected. It’s possible that even though Baileys was young and healthy your girlfriend was just more able to make sense of his passing in her head. It’s also possible she’s not ready to face the entirety of the grief yet. And that’s okay. It takes time. Neither of you is wrong or handling things badly. But you can always talk to her, gently, about your own grief. Maybe you two can help each other. I hope for the best for you, and for your new bunny companion. I hope you find happiness and peace.
After death of my bunny I thought I would never love again. But it was so sad and lonely at home without him. So we decided to take a little girl – quite different and only 2 months old. And it works. But even now – after 2 years of lost I remember my little boy and sometimes tell my new bunny about him, I said – he would like you and you would be great friends.
What helps me when I have feelings of guilt is to explore all the ways that guilt has benefitted me, and what it shows about me and my values that’s beautiful: Guilt shows that I’m actually a good bunny parent, because a bad bunny parent wouldn’t feel guilty. Guilt shows that I want to do anything I can to give my bun the best life, and the best shot at survival; my willingness to suffer through prolonged grief shows how deeply I care, that I want to honor the life of my bunny through sorrow, rather than show apathy through finding happiness again too soon. I thought I wasn’t fit to be a bunny parent, because I wasn’t able to save my bunny. But I twisted myself in knots, before and after the death, desperate to find a solution. I realized that I would rather have someone who grieves “too hard” taking care of my bunny, than someone who isn’t even affected. This capacity makes you the best parent for your bunny in the world.
Honor your suffering, even if it’s directed inward at yourself. It’s how you prove to yourself that it’s just not true you didn’t care enough, that you in fact cared immensely.
As a footnote, we did go that afternoon and pick up Angie’s sister. The boy opened the small hutch containing her mom and siblings. They were all very shy but Annie, a gorgeous void bun cautiously inched her way towards me and came up right into my arms. She snuggled right up to me while bf was still looking over the pile of floofs. I handed her to him and gave him the look that said “this is the one”.
bf has always been allergic to animals and had never had a pet of any kind in his entire life. Being able to see the bond grow between them has been an amazing thing for me. I’ve always had animals of various types so I didn’t realize, or remember what it was like that very first time. He has turned her into such a loving cuddlebun. It makes my heart overflow with such joy, I could cry. bf is now known as “Pettin Guy” and both of our bunnies will melt into the floor for him.
I’m wishing you all the best, OP. It’s ok to love again. Please do
I felt a lot of guilt and feelings that I wasn’t enough for my prior rabbit, but I’ve turned that into wanting to be better for the rabbit that I have now. I do hope that things get better for you and that your heart can open for the new bunny in your life.