So, I’m someone who likes information, who thrives on accumulating other people’s past experience to filter in ways I can solve a problem versus what I know won’t work. I’m hoping others like me may benefit from the same thing:
Last Saturday, I lost my best friend, Lady, at 9.5 years old, to her Thymoma. I believe pleural effusion was what the vet said but honestly, grief is skewing my memory. She deteriorated rapidly, eating hay like no one’s business on Friday night and then…the fight just got to be too much. She battled this thymoma for a year and a half and due to the size, we knew that year and a half was borrowed time. It didn’t prepare anyone in the family.
Tramp was able to see her before we put her to sleep and give her kisses and he was allowed to be with her body overnight, though it didn’t help his grief on Sunday. The house was opened up to him and he looked for her. He made these tiny noises that in my mind was his version of crying. His appetite has been good, thank God and he’s drinking water. But he misses her and suddenly my boy who was too curious about the world to sit still for pets, is accepting both pets and cuddles. Sunday was hell, I cried before I went to bed, set him up with a bunch of stuffies of various sizes and fur textures, and wished that my hay allergies weren’t terrible and that I could tolerate sleeping in his area (basically the entire living room) with him. We use orchard grass, but even that doesn’t like me. I barely slept, after a few hours, I got up, we spent Monday together, which I took as grievance. He hid a lot. In his hay box under the hay, in his plastic igloo, in his cardboard box fort…and I cleaned up and bunny proofed the bedroom.
He got a set of pet steps moved up onto the bed and was carried onto the bed and given treats.
Tuesday, he came into the office with me, he hung out with me while I worked and he didn’t love it but didn’t hate it. I could tell he was happy to be home, it probably smells like her. He did more hiding and I gave him as much skin to skin contact as possible before doing treat time in bed once more.
Wednesday, I picked up Lady’s urn. I was destroyed when I got home and just wanted to shower and cry in bed…but then Tramp ran to me, took greens from my hand and followed me into the bedroom. We just laid together for a couple hours and he got some really good rest in while I stood guard. That night, few hopped into bed with me, found himself a spot close to my pillow and due to the fact that I’m a light sleeper, I set my hand on his back, knowing I’d wake before I hurt him and we stayed like that most of the night, with only a few hour break period in which Tramp ate all of his pellets and groomed his stuffies.
Thursday was more of the same. He spent a lot of time in my room with me (I followed him, I’m fully a helicopter mom) and I set him up some bunny safe blanket forts that he could nap in if I’m not home and he wants to feel like he’s secure while he rests. He groomed a stuffie with plush the consistency of Lady’s fur until it had a worn spot on its belly and he snuggled up to me while I read on my kindle. He even came to sit up on the couch with the family!
At one in the morning today, Friday, Tramp spent the night in bed with me then decided he wanted his food. I woke up as he was leaving, keeping an eye out to make sure he was using his stairs…he binkied on the way down. The first one since before Saturday. This morning around three, I woke again to him doing a binky on the bedroom floor. Today I’m working remote, he’s in his blanket fort. I’m learning that my boy who was SO obsessed with his wife, I thought he’d die of a broken heart within days, loves attention no matter who he gets it from. He’s so social when he’s not devoting everything to her and loves pets and snuggles from everyone at home and even a couple of my coworkers. He loves me and has been using me as a jungle gym when I sit on the floor with him. I know he misses her, I know he’s sad. But this morning I got up and thought…we can do this. Both of us. She was both of our best friend and we both lost her but together, we can hold tight enough to each other to heal. I know there will be good and bad days, he might still end up with a new mate at some point…but right now I think he’s thriving being a solo boy in a loving home. And him snuggling up to me at night is helping my aching heart a lot. My methods might work for some and not others, but I hope this grief diary can provide some type of support to others who have lost the their best friend.
by samsam4short