Hi everyone. This is a post that no one ever wants to make, but it’s going to be a long one – I have a lot to say about this wonderful boy. (TW: Description of animal death)
I lost my dear Marco this morning. I’ve had him since my 11th birthday, and he would’ve turned 10 in March. We rushed him to an emergency vet appointment on Wednesday as I noticed his head was tilting and he wasn’t moving around as much. Vet checked him, he seemed fine except a runny nose (head tilt went away at the appointment, came back slightly when we got home.) We were given treatment for E. cuniculi, and started him on panacur. His head tilt went away completely, and although he still wasn’t moving around as much, he was moving as well as eating and drinking.
I woke up to a horrible squeaking sound this morning and immediately jumped out of bed to check on him. I now realise that sound was likely Marco taking one of his last breaths. I found him flopped over under our desk, and he didn’t react or move when I reached out to stroke him. I pulled him out and quickly realised he was limp and didn’t seem to be breathing. I started crying, checking for a pulse and looking for any movement. I performed CPR and mouth to mouth, but he was already gone. He was still warm except his lips and he wasn’t stiff yet, so I can only assume I got to him just as he went. I could’ve sworn I saw him breathing at first, but I have no way of knowing if it was my mind playing tricks on me from just waking up. I held him and sobbed for probably half an hour before I woke my boyfriend up to give him the news. My legs felt weak when I stood up and I cried so hard I thought i’d be sick.
I’ve spent most of the day breaking into tears on and off, and I have a horrible headache. I’m exhausted. I keep asking myself questions, wondering what I could’ve done differently. What if I had performed CPR earlier? What if I called the vet last night when I noticed he didn’t take his treat, something he almost never refuses? Was panacur the right treatment for him? I know it’s not helping asking these things, but they’re swirling around in my head anyway. I keep being hit with the realisation that he’s gone, even though that’s all I can think about to begin with. My only comfort is that he might’ve been alive long enough to know I was there, and that I gave him pain relief last night as prescribed by the vet. Hopefully that numbed anything he might’ve felt.
Marco was my soul pet. I believe soul pets are sent into your life when you need them the most, stick around to help you, and leave when their job is done. It doesn’t feel like his job was done, but he was there for everything big in my life. He was there when I left year 6 and joined year 7 – which was extremely daunting, especially now that I know I had undiagnosed autism. He was there when I turned into a teen, he was there for my entire secondary school life, and he was there for the lowest point in my life during 2020. If i’m being honest, he’s the only reason I chose to stick around after a failed attempt. I’m certain it failed because he still needed me, and I still needed him. He was around to watch me get my first boyfriend (we’re coming up to 3 years now) and he was there when I passed my driving test, which was a huge goal in life for me. I got to buckle his carrier into my car and drive him to and from my boyfriend’s, which I always wanted to do.
And as you can see from the photos, Marco got a buddy later in life! We were very worried and careful about introducing him when we got Arnie, but they immediately bonded despite both being male and Arnie not being neutered at the time. Not a single fight or show of aggression. Marco was a single bunny until around 8 years old (he was too territorial when younger to even try, but he mellowed out with age) and I believe Arnie helped him live longer. They loved each other so much. Arnie was so clingy, always both giving and demanding kisses.
Marco was such a sweet bunny. If you gave him forehead kisses, he always wanted to give you double the amount. He’d spend ages licking at your face. He loved spinach, flopping down to get comfortable, and his blankets. He always looked comfortable no matter where he was, or how he was positioned. He’d hop up on my bed and flop down next to me if he saw me crying. He loved pets. He loved cuddles. He loved his tunnel.
He was sassy, too. I started giving him bedtime treats when he was young, and he never let me forget it. He somehow always knew when I was getting ready for bed, and used to circle around me and chase me down to stand up and tip-toe on his little feet to do his trick. One time my boyfriend forgot to give him it when I was away, and Marco stared at him until he woke up and proceeded to hop over to the desk where the treats were and looked between him and said desk until boyfriend got the point. My mum was his favourite victim – he’d chase her down for fun (she was scared of him), he’d hop into her room just to knock her water bottle over and leave, and he’d sit and stare at her on the toilet if she dared leave the door open while home alone. That’s not to mention the way he’d hop downstairs in the middle of the night so she’d have to get up to bring him upstairs again, the way he’d watch her sleep, or the way he’d attack her bras.
My nan’s dogs were scared of him, too! Wouldn’t walk past if he was stood in the hallway. He definitely knew he was the macho man, cause he wouldn’t move a muscle as he glared at them. We called him Mr Macho Marco Manly Moon, man. Or Marco Moon for short. We imagined him with a little Spanish accent cause of his name and stache. He taught himself to stand up on his back legs and scratch at doors to demand to be let in, and he somehow always knew which room we were in. We once saw him lick his own reflection, realised we were watching, and ran off in embarrassment.
Marco was such a big part of my life. He was my best friend for 9 whole years. It feels weird now that he’s gone. I still remember the first time I held him and knew he was the bunny for me. His name just came to me in that moment, not pre-decided or anything. The photos with me in them are from when I was roughly 12/13, and the photo of small baby Marco is from a video of him in the garden for the first time. I’ll always remember him as the light of my life, and the thing that kept me going. I’ll never have a pet like him again, and that’s okay. The sadness i’m feeling is nothing compared to the love and joy I experienced with him here. If you read all of this, thank you. If you wanna remember Marco, remember him as the comfiest bunny to ever exist. That guy was always comfortable. I love you so much, Marco.
by ilyizuku